Stress is a very natural part of school, and life in general. To be stressed means to be subjected to pressure and aren’t we all?  

This is not necessarily a bad thing. Without the proper application of pressure most of us probably wouldn’t accomplish anything at all (I know I wouldn’t).

Positive stress or 'eustress’ is one of the most effective ways to drive personal growth. 

Having a child, for example, is a tremendous source of eustress. 

Most parents stand firmly by the statement ‘having a child has made me a better person’, yet no parent would ever say that having a child is a stress-free experience. It’s incredibly stressful! All of a sudden you’re loaded with new kinds of responsibilities, pressures, and emotions that you’re not so sure you can handle.

The only way to survive becoming a parent is to grow into the sort of person who can be one. 

The teen years are loaded with eustress triggers: 

• Applying/going to high school
• Applying/going to college
• Social pressures or new social experiences 
• Having your first romantic relationship
• Participating in competitive sports
• Learning to drive
• Getting your first job
• Gaining financial independence
• Registering to vote 
• Etc . . .

It’s proper and natural for teens to be stressed. The teen years are a time of immense growth, they are still literally growing; internally and externally!!  

However, as we all know, there is such a thing as too much stress.

Every year, more and more teens are reporting feelings of overwhelm and anxiety, with an estimated 32% of teens experiencing an anxiety disorder and an estimated 8% of teens experiencing an anxiety disorder that causes a severe impairment (source).

One of the most likely factors contributing to this rise in anxiety is an increase in academic and extracurricular pressure (i.e. stress). In 2016 41% of incoming college freshmen said they felt ‘overwhelmed by what they were expected to do’ as opposed to 28% in 2000 and 18% in 1985 (source). 

That’s because this generation of teens are literally expected to do (perform) MORE! 

Essentially, an increase in academic and extracurricular stress is leading to ongoing symptoms of anxiety, which leads to a bunch of other stuff we’ll get into later.

As parents, it’s important that we look after the health of our kids, we all know this. AND, one thing I see consistently in my psychology practice is parents unwittingly contributing to their kids anxiety around academic achievement. 

These devoted and well-intended parents are desperate to do the right thing and to support their kids in every way they are able. Yet because we’re all steeped in achievement culture, it’s easy to overlook everyday phrases, attitudes, and patterns of behavior that contribute to the pressure our kids feel to succeed and excel in the academic world. I’m guilty of this too! 

Striking the balance of mental and physical health with academic and extracurricular demands is more difficult than it appears.  

In this article I’m going to dive into:

• What exactly is academic anxiety 
• How does academic anxiety affect your teen
• How to recognize academic anxiety in your teens
• Some ways parents make academic anxiety worse (without even knowing it!)
• What parents can do to help lessen their teens’ anxiety
• How parents can help their teens cope with anxiety in a healthy way

Let’s get started:

For the purposes of this article, I won’t be differentiating between the terms ‘overwhelm’, ‘stress’, and ‘anxiety’. There are categorical differences, but for our purposes it’s not essential that we get into them. So, in order to avoid confusion I’ll be referring to everything through the term ‘academic anxiety’. 

To be clear, some anxiety is healthy and creates just the right amount of tension and challenge that promotes growth. 

Here, we’re addressing the kind of anxiety that has tipped the scales toward negatively affecting mental and physical health and overall well being.

Simply put, academic anxiety is when someone (namely, your teen) experiences the symptoms of anxiety as a result of school work or stress related to school work.  This anxiety negatively impacts or impedes their overall functioning.  

A recent Cornell study identified 4 components of academic anxiety 

• Worry: Thoughts that prevent [the student] from focusing on and successfully completing academic work. (aka negative self-talk) 
• Emotionality: Biological symptoms of anxiety. For example, fast heart-beat, sweaty palms, muscle tension, etc . . ..
• Task-generated interference: Behaviors related to the task at hand, but which are unproductive and prevent successful performance:
  • Constantly checking the clock during an exam
  • Overchecking, or under-checking work
  • Procrastination
  • Etc . . .
• Study skills deficits: Problems with [the student’s] current study methods which create anxiety:
  • Last-minute cramming resulting in not knowing answers to test questions
  • Working in an environment that is not conducive to their individual learning style
  • Etc . . .

REMEMBER: Academic anxiety is not a character flaw, but a physiological response to perceived internal or external pressures.

Anxiety is “a series of biochemical changes in your brain and body, such as:

• An increase in adrenaline (causing your heart to beat faster) 
• A decrease in dopamine (a brain chemical that helps to block pain, also associated with the reward system and feelings of happiness) 

These changes result in a state of heightened attention to the source of the anxiety (think: tunnel vision). High levels of anxiety propel your body into a fight-flight-freeze response - essentially preparing to fight, run away, or not move at all. (https://lsc.cornell.edu/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Understanding-Academic-Anxiety.pdf)  

That’s the short-term physiological response to anxiety. But the long-term effects of anxiety are much more insidious. 

From a psychological standpoint, ongoing academic anxiety negatively affects the student’s identity, confidence, and overall view of themselves as a person (self worth). Someone with anxiety may generalize their current struggles as a testament to their character (I’m not smart), project its future implications (I’ll never be successful) or resort to black and white thinking (I’m a failure).  

Unfortunately, academic anxiety thwarts many of the developmental advantages of adolescence - inhibiting, limiting, and impeding growth. An academically anxious student will avoid other intellectual challenges, resist exploring areas of potential interest, or disengage from social opportunities and experiences. In short, they can miss out on many of the extraordinary aspects of adolescence.  From our standpoint - This the real FOMO!  

Because anxiety is physiological, it can also negatively affect your teen’s overall health, their sleep, eating habits, motivation, overall happiness, and concentration. 

Academic anxiety also negatively impacts academic performance as it limits access to the parts of our brain that are essential to learning.  

Anxiety interferes with students' overall focus and concentration which leads to higher distractibility and difficulty switching between tasks.   Furthermore, “numerous studies have concluded that anxiety can affect an individual's ability to receive, process and retrieve information which has a negative impact on learning via influences on working memory, leading to poor mental performance and underachievement.” (https://www.journalcra.com/sites/default/files/issue-pdf/30653.pdf)

In simpler terms, anxiety makes it more difficult to learn!

Finally, anxiety has a unique way of infiltrating many other aspects of functioning. A teen who experiences academic anxiety is likely to experience anxiety in other parts of their lives, not just school, making them more anxious in general. 

Where exactly is the line between a healthy and unhealthy amount of stress; between normal pre-exam nerves and budding academic anxiety? 

It’s hard to gauge, particularly because we cannot always observe how someone feels. That said, here’s a list of indicators you can look out for: 

a). Significant shifts in your teens’ attitude towards school / school work

Due to the massive neurological and developmental changes which occur in adolescence, you should expect to see some shift in your teens’ attitudes toward school regardless of their anxiety levels. However, stark changes in their behaviors or statements about school may be indicative of academic anxiety brewing below the surface. 

If your kid has traditionally been pretty laid back about school work and they switch to becoming very preoccupied with their grades and assignments, it’s likely that they’re experiencing an increase in pressure around school. Likewise, if your kid has always been interested in school and has lately lost interest, or seems apathetic or disinterested in school work, they may be experiencing overwhelm or anxiety.  

IMPORTANT: If you DO notice a change, acknowledge it or ask them about it from a place of observation, concern, and curiosity. 

You may begin with “I” statements and open ended questions like, “I’ve noticed a shift in ______, how do you see it?”  or “I’m wondering if something has changed . . .”  or “I’m concerned . . .” 

Try to avoid shaming, imposing your judgments or labeling. Statements like “You’ve become lazy . . .” or “You’re not working hard enough . . .” or  “You’re obsessed with school and not _____”, will only make your teen shut down and resist opening up to you.  

b). An under OR over emphasis on academics

Whether or not it’s new behavior, an under or over emphasis on their academic performance is also a key indicator of academic anxiety. 

Kids need a healthy balance of school, family, social life, extracurriculars, and open leisure time. If your teen is overly consumed with schoolwork, sacrificing these other areas of their life in exchange for more study time, they’re likely experiencing an undue amount of pressure to succeed academically. 

Even for those of us who consider school to be the child’s ‘job’, should view this as a concern. Ideally a job is not so all-consuming that it leaves no room for pleasure, restoration, and other activities.  While we may value hard work, perseverance and determination, we must consider the importance of overall well being. Besides, other activities and endeavors often enhance the quality and experience of one’s work. It’s important to model and emphasize to them the importance of balance.  

Note: a way that you can talk about this is by conveying the fact that you value balance.  “I’d like to help you have balance in your life…”

Similarly, kids who avoid school and school work are often trying to cope with feelings of anxiety related to their school life. Teens with a ‘f*#k it attitude or who overly procrastinate studying or homework also fall into this category.  Their lack of interest or avoidance in school may be their way of avoiding feeling the discomfort that comes with anxiety.   

Finally, cheating on school assignments or on tests is a big red flag. This is a symptom experienced by teens who fall into either category. Regardless of their reasons, if they’re feeling that the only way that they can meet expectations is by cheating on tests or assignments, it’s safe to assume that they’re experiencing some form of academic anxiety. 

c). Unhealthy (“maladaptive”) coping mechanisms 

If your teen is engaging in self destructive behaviors like: 

• Vaping
• Smoking marijuana
• Drinking alcohol
• Self-harm
• Excessive focus on food/exercise
• Developing other unhealthy habits and behaviors

Consider that academic anxiety might be at play there.  While your teen may not even realize it, these behaviors may be a way to quell or manage their anxiety; anxiety that may be largely unconscious.  

We know that adolescence is often a time of disproportionate stress and that these behaviors are likely to have many contributing factors; however, given the centrality of academic pressure, we must not overlook it as a potential factor.

If your teen is engaging in any of these behaviors, it’s a good idea to investigate and see if academic anxiety is at play. 

Most parents are very well aware that we all live in a culture of achievement and that it has an impact on their kids. 

Most parents believe that they are doing everything to support their kids in a healthy way and are not contributing any undue pressure when it comes to their kids’ schoolwork.  

While parents may observe their teens’ intensity around school (“they put so much pressure on themselves!”), many parents assure themselves that this pressure is not coming from home. 

While we may not be saying, “If you don’t get all A’s or get into Harvard, we’re disowning you”, we may be conveying more subtle or implicit pressure.  

Here are a few examples of how parents can contribute to the pressure kids feel around school without even intending to:

a). What’s the first question you ask your kids when they get home every day? 

It’s likely something along the lines of “How was school today?”, “How was your test?”, or “Did you do your homework?”. 

If school is the first thing you ask your kid about when they get home every day, kids get an implicit message of “This is the most important thing to me about your day”. 

The first question we ask our kids when they get home carries a lot of weight. The usual intention behind questions like this is to show that we care, that we’re interested, and see if there are ways that we can offer support. 

But by making these questions school related we are unknowingly communicating to our kids that their schoolwork or academic performance are the most important things to us (when it comes to what they do). 

Making the minor change of asking “How was your day?” instead of ‘How was school today?” can make a big difference. Or you can ask about specific non-academic aspects of their day, “Were you able to sit with ____ at lunch?”. 

The subject or topic of your first question to your kids, shows them what’s top of mind for you. 

b). The ways we measure academic achievement can make our kids’ academic performance performative (we often emphasize outcome over process).

In simple terms, we place a higher value on our kids' grades and standardized test scores than we do on their actual learning or the experiences they’re having. 

This is not your fault by the way. This value system is baked into most of the education infrastructure in the world (which makes it difficult to avoid doing). 

The best thing we can do is to try and have conversations with our kids about the things they’re learning and the things they’re interested in, instead of their performance metrics.

While the outcomes (grades, test scores, etc . . .) may be helpful metrics of how our kids are learning, they are not the sole indicators. 

Helping kids identify their internal processes and supporting their efforts to learn - are some of the most  valuable, long term skills kids can acquire. Knowing how they learn, how they feel, and what methods support their individual style are integral parts of this process.  

Every parent I know wants to cultivate their child’s long term happiness and well being.

Taking a more process-centered approach helps teens: 

• Find their passion
• Foster curiosity 
• Increase their desire to learn
• Develop a sense of competency 

Research demonstrates that grades, test scores, rankings, and college name play a smaller role in all of the above than we are conditioned to believe.  

c). Anxiety is contagious (and you probably have some anxiety about your kids’ academic performance).

All emotions and behaviors are contagious to a certain effect (see our article on Mirror Neurons) and anxiety is no exception. 

Anxiety fuels anxiety within us and between us; so when you’re surrounded by people that are anxious and there’s tension in the air, you’re likely to absorb it.

And we have lots of reasons for being anxious about our kids’ academic performance. 

Academics are concrete, they’re linear, and quantifiable! 

As parents we desperately want to know ‘how our kids are doing’. Like it or not, their report card offers a set of simple, straightforward, easy-to-understand metrics that tell us how our kids are performing, relative to their peers. 

Because of this, we attach all kinds of meanings to our kids' grades that may be very misguided. 

• “If my kid isn’t getting the grades I want that means they’re not smart”
• “My kids’ future hinges on their performance in school”
• “If my kid doesn’t get good grades that means they won’t be successful in life”
• “A person’s academic scores are reflective of that person’s value”
• And so on and so forth

When we attach these kinds of meanings to our kids’ academic performance, it naturally increases our anxiety about how they’re doing in school. 

If we believe that our kids' whole future, success, and happiness are contingent on them getting good grades, then it’s only natural that their grades take on a great deal of importance to us. 

The problem with this is that it’s not that simple. 

The idea of ‘how our kid is doing’ is more complicated than just ‘how they are doing in school’. But because we don’t have easy to understand metrics in all the other areas of their lives it’s very easy to put an outsized emphasis on academic achievement. 

Unfortunately, when this happens, we pass our beliefs and our anxieties about them to our kid(s). Anxiety is contagious, even if we’re trying to cover it up, it inevitably gets passed on.

Even if your kid isn’t suffering from debilitating academic anxiety, they can still benefit from increased parental support in this area.

So what exactly can we do as parents to help lower the amount of pressure our kids feel around their performance in school? 

a). Become more aware of yourself in order to stop contributing, advertently or inadvertently, to the pressure they feel.

What do academics mean to you?  What is your personal history with school from your own growing up?  

Take a look at the previous section and see if you’re prone to any of the behaviors listed. If you are, join the club!! 

It’s very common for parents to inadvertently perpetuate academic pressures without realizing their impact. The more cognizant you can be about the messages you’re conveying, the more you can challenge your existing thoughts or replace your behaviors with more helpful, effective and better-received messages like:

• Make your first question of the day about your kids’ overall well being, instead of specifically their schoolwork or experience at school. 
• When you do talk to them about school, try not to make the conversation all about their performance metrics (i.e. their grades). Instead, ask them about what they’re learning and the experiences they’re having in school. Place a greater importance on their curiosity, desire to learn, identifying their interests and goals and developing an understanding of their individual learning style - rather than their grades exclusively. 
• When talking about school (and in general): Listen more and speak less!   
• Manage your own anxieties around their academic performance. This can be really hard to do! We’ve been so indoctrinated into this ‘achieve-at-all-cost’ culture, that we may lose sight of the forest through the trees. But at the end of the day, our kids’ academic performance is not the sole indicator of their future success. As their chief supporter, try to focus on how they’re developing as a whole person and see their academic achievements as they are: simply one part of one phase of their lives. 

b). Help your teen identify and avoid environmental stressors 

Anxiety is contagious, as we mentioned before. A common anxiety trigger for students at school is being around a bunch of other anxious students. 

If you walk into a classroom 5 minutes before a test is about to take place you can taste the tension in the air. The same might be said of the lunch room or common area on the day a big paper is due. If everyone is talking about the assignment or test and what their fears/insecurities about it are, your teen will pick up on that and start to have similar thoughts and feelings. 

Because teens are extremely sensitive when it comes to their peers. They’ll absorb that energy with much more intensity than an adult will. 

Helping your teen be aware of these environmental stressors can help them deal with/process them in a healthy way. Once they’re aware that these triggers are a contributing factor they can come up with strategies to protect themselves. 

​​For example, it may be that you encourage your teen not to talk to their friends about the upcoming test. If everyone is cramming ahead of time and freaking out, it will probably be more helpful for them to separate themselves from that rather than engage in it.

c). Help your teen identify their environmental soothers

Alternatively, what are the healthy environmental factors that help soothe them? 

• Maybe they have a level-headed friend they respect whose perspective always helps take the edge off. 
• Are there places in their school or at home that help them feel comfortable and at ease? 
• Is study time easier when they’re hanging out with a pet? 
• Do they have physical, creative, or other activities they do that stimulate, empower, and motivate them? 

Soothing environmental factors can be an essential part of their anxiety coping toolbox. 

d). Prioritize healthy family time

In a study conducted at the University of Wolverhampton in the UK, researchers found a correlation between familial/social support and students with lower levels of academic anxiety. 

Prioritize quality time with them! 

And we encourage you to define quality time in a way that aligns with your family style, personalities, and interests. While some families enjoy regular dinners together, others watch a mutually enjoyable show, go for walks, cook, shop, etc . . .. Finding shared interests or mutually enjoyable activities enhances family relationships and strengthens bonds between parents and teens. 

Often while being side by side, and with minimal prompting, teens will open up about their feelings - especially their worries and concerns. Learn more about their anxieties before they begin to spiral.

At the end of the day, despite all your best efforts, your teen may still suffer from academic anxiety. 

Luckily, there are many well-documented, tried and true techniques that you can use to help your teen cope with their anxiety in a healthy way. Here are some of my favorites:

a). Help your teen talk out their anxieties

Asking open ended questions helps here as well:

• ‘What are you anxious about?’ 
• ‘What’s your biggest fear?’ 
• ‘What do you think will happen if you were to not do well on this test?’ 

Being able to identify the thoughts or beliefs that you have convinced yourself into as a result of your anxiety helps you have more objectivity about them.

When anxious thoughts are identified and out in the open, they are much easier to problem solve around. For example, if one of your anxious thoughts is ‘I’ll never have time to get this all done’ then taking 5-10 minutes to plan out your schedule might go a long way to alleviating your anxiety. 

That’s not to say that every anxious thought or belief out there has a simple solution, but once those thoughts and beliefs are identified, it’s easier to engage the more rational parts of your brain and take concrete steps to deal with them.  

b). Help your teen identify and map out their particular anxiety cycle

This goes a step further than simply helping your teen talk through their anxieties. 

The way anxiety plays out in each of our minds has a unique pattern. The feeling of anxiety/worry prompts a whole set of thoughts or beliefs we have about ourselves and/or the world which then influences our behavior which can then make us more anxious and it spirals out in a vicious cycle. 

An anxiety cycle might look something like:

• I feel anxious about math class - which leads to
• I think about how I haven’t performed well in math class in the past - which leads to
• I believe that I’m bad at math - which leads to
• I don’t want to do my math homework - which leads to 
• I procrastinate doing my math homework - which leads to 
• I didn’t do my homework on time - which leads to 
• I feel anxious about math class . . . 

In this case, the feelings of anxiety bring up thoughts (remembering past performance), beliefs (I’m bad at math), and behaviors (procrastination) that ultimately end up increasing the sense of anxiety. 

If you help them map this out visually they’ll be able to see what exactly is going on and find ways to disrupt the cycle. 

A common anxiety loop I see in my practice goes something like this: 

“If I don’t do well on this paper it will impact my grade which will impact my gpa which will make it impossible for me to get into a good college which means I’ll never have a good job and I’ll fail at life.”

In this scenario, the teen is placing a disproportionate importance on a single paper. In their mind, failing to succeed at the assignment means they will fail to succeed ever in life. With that kind of pressure, success becomes much harder to achieve. 

If your teen is engaging in a similar thought process, helping them get it out on paper can help them see through the flaws in the “emotional logic”. Of course a single assignment won’t determine the course of their whole life, but when their anxiety has taken hold, they may be convinced that this is fact.  

Breaking down the thoughts and isolating them, make dealing with the literal situation at hand (writing a paper) much less threatening.

If you’re working with your teen through this process, it also helps a lot to be warm, loving, and reassuring. 

c). Give them tools to deal with the biological symptoms of anxiety

Your teen may experience biological symptoms of anxiety such as a fast heart-beat, sweaty palms, or muscle tension when confronting an assignment or test. 

You can help your teen through mindfulness techniques such as breathing exercises, meditation, and encouraging them to stretch in order to alleviate muscle tension. There are a ton of apps out there that teach mindfulness. You can also help them by bringing them to a counselor or mental health specialist. 

d). Help your teen learn effective study and test-taking skills

Be wary with how you approach this. The idea isn’t to increase the amount of stress and anxiety your teen is feeling. If your teen is feeling overwhelmed, time-constrained, and ‘like they’re taking on too much’, they might not feel relieved at the suggestion that they should spend additional time and effort learning how to study. 

That being said, it’s important that your teen has effective study and test-taking strategies that align with their personality and learning style. Feeling confident about understanding the material goes a long way towards lowering anxiety levels. 

If the techniques and strategies they’re using aren’t working, help them discover and start practicing new ones. If their studying improves, it’s likely to improve the emotions they have around it. 

For ideas and suggestions about tweaking and improving study habits, a good place to start is this article on learning styles. 

Congratulations, you’ve made it to the end of the article (almost)! 

It’s always hard to watch your kid have a hard time. As parents, we want our kids to grow and thrive. We can feel intolerably powerless and uncomfortable when we watch them struggle.   

If your teen is suffering from academic anxiety, I acknowledge you for seeking out resources to help them.

If your teen is not suffering from academic anxiety, I acknowledge you for seeking out resources that can help preempt any problems they might experience. 

Parenting teens is inherently challenging - particularly as they try to separate from us and figure out who they are on their own. As much as they push us away or feign disinterest in us, they still need us and rely on our availability to them. With some compassion (and some finesse) we can continue to offer much needed support, help, and guidance.  

If you’d like more tools on how you can help your teen grow and thrive, check out the Teen Brain Trust course on Teen Motivation, Risk-Taking, and Habit Building. The best way to cut through all the smoke and mirrors of teenagerhood is to understand what’s going on inside their brain and what their biology is trying to achieve from a developmental standpoint. This course does exactly that. Check it out here: