Peer Pressure and Drinking: How to Check In With Your Teen About Their Experience

This conversation is from our Free Guide: 7 Conversations About Substance Use to Have With Your Teen (And When to Have Them) 

As teenagers progress through high school and into college, their social lives increasingly revolve around parties and gatherings with friends. Unfortunately, these social events often involve drugs and alcohol, which can create social pressure for our teens to participate (whether or not anyone is overtly pressuring them). This can have a major impact on their well-being and relationships. It's important for us to have ongoing conversations about the role that drugs and alcohol are playing in their social lives if any and keep a watchful eye over the situation as it unfolds.

The purpose of initiating these conversations is to get our teens to make connections between what they’re tempted to do, the actions they take, and the potential consequences. It’s also important for us to make sure they’ve considered what they will do if and when they find themselves in a situation they are uncomfortable in and don’t know how to handle. By using this conversation guide, we’ll dodge setting off our teens’ defenses. Instead, parents can look for opportunities to bring up the topic and ask open-ended questions that allow for honest and productive discussions.

When to have this conversation

This can be an ongoing conversation from 10th-12th grade

Why have this conversation

Given that a lot of teen socialization occurs at parties it’s important to check in with teens throughout high school and college to give them opportunities to reflect on, and think critically about, how drugs and alcohol are impacting their social life.

goals for this conversation

• Encourage our teens to make the connection between feelings, desires, and behavior
• It’s important that we don’t set our teens on the defensive. We want to keep the lines of communication open and make sure they feel [relatively] comfortable talking to us about these subjections. We don’t want our teens to feel as if we’re trying to interrogate them or that we are judging them or their friendships.

how to start this conversation

• Since this is something we want to be checking in with our teens about on a semi-regular basis, we can continue to say things like, “I know it isn’t your favorite conversation to have but …”. 

  We can also look for opportunities to check in with our teens about this and not be so obvious about it. For example, we may be watching a movie or TV show together that shows teens drinking or using drugs. We can then ask what they thought about that moment. Our teens may also volunteer information about their friends or a party they’ve been to that we can follow up on.

questions you can use during this conversation

• What do you think about kids who are drinking/vaping/smoking pot?
• How come you think that they do this? (Asking this question helps our kid recognize there's an internal experience that leads to these decisions)

Overall, there’s no avoiding that we have to have conversations like this one to ensure our teen’s well-being. By fostering open and honest communication, we can help our teens make more informed decisions and avoid potentially harmful situations. 

As teens navigate the challenges of adolescence and young adulthood, having a supportive and understanding parent or guardian can make all the difference in their long-term success. That’s why we need to have hard conversations and stay informed.

Read More: Teens who are taught harm reduction techniques are less likely to overdose or suffer other adverse effects from drug use.